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Saturday, September 10th, 2005
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22:40 - la tortura
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Ay payita mía
Guárdate la poesía
guárdate la alegría pa'ti
No pido que todos los días sean de sol
No pido que todos los viernes sean de fiesta
Tampoco te pido que vuelvas rogando perdón
Si lloras con los ojos secos
Y hablando de ella
Ay amor me duele tanto
Me duele tanto
Que te fueras sin decir a donde
Ay amor, fue una tortura perderte
Yo se que no he sido un santo
Pero lo puedo arreglar amor
No solo de pan vive el hombre
Y no de excusas vivo yo.
Solo de errores se aprende
Y hoy se que es tuyo mi corazón
Mejor te guardas todo eso
A otro perro con ese hueso
Y nos decimos adiós
No puedo pedir que el invierno perdone a un rosal
No puedo pedir a los olmos que entreguen peras
No puedo pedirle lo eterno a un simple mortal
Y andar arrojando a los cerdos miles de perlas
Ay amor me duele tanto
Me duele tanto
Que no creas más en mis promesas
Ay amor es una tortura perderte
Yo se que no he sido un santo
Pero lo puedo arreglar amor
No solo de pan vive el hombre
Y no de excusas vivo yo.
Solo de errores se aprende
Y hoy se que es tuyo mi corazón
Mejor te guardas todo eso
A otro perro con ese hueso
Y nos decimos adiós
No te bajes, no te bajes
Oye negrita mira, no te rajes
De lunes a viernes tienes mi amor
Déjame el sábado a mi que es mejor
Oye mi negra no me castigues más
Porque allá afuera sin ti no tengo paz
Yo solo soy un hombre arrepentido
Soy como el ave que vuelve a su nido
Yo se que no he sido un santo
y es que no estoy hecho de cartón
No solo de pan vive el hombre
Y no de excusas vivo yo.
Solo de errores se aprende
Y hoy se que es tuyo mi corazón
()
Ay ay ay
Ay, todo lo que he hecho por ti
Fue una tortura perderte
Y me duele tanto que sea asi
Sigue llorando perdón
Yo... yo no voy
A llorar por ti
current music: shakira, everything
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| Tuesday, August 30th, 2005
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09:42 - cara de luna... pero no
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No puedo reir
no puedo llorar.
No puedo dejarte de recordar
no puedo decirte nada que tú no sepas.
Tan solo puedo quedarme como un idiota
pensando en cosas que me provoca
hacer contigo en islas perdidas.
No puedo gritar
no puedo exigir.
No puedo contarte lo que sentí,
no puedo decirte nada, tú estás tan lejos.
Y tú que no sabes nada y lo sabes todo,
que me derrites de tantos modos.
Dime pa' donde vas con mi vida...
Carito el corazón
me queda grande.
Cuando yo pienso en ti, yo siento pasos de gigante.
Carito esta canción,
es importante
porque cuando la canto yo juro que estás ahí delante
porque cuando la canto yo juro que estás ahí delante.
Se fue complicando la situación,
y no hay que olvidarse que al corazón,
le puedes decir de todo menos mentiras.
Tú ibas para allá
yo iba para acá.
Y fue tan bonito verte cruzar
al menos por un ratito por mi camino.
Carito el corazón
me queda grande.
Cuando yo pienso en ti, yo siento pasos de gigante.
Carito esta canción,
es importante
porque cuando la canto yo juro que estás ahí delante
porque cuando la canto yo juro que estás ahí delante.
Ahí delante, ahí delante, ahí delante, estás ahí delante...
Lalalalalalalaaa
Lalalalalalalaaa
Tú ibas para allá, yo iba para acá
Lalalalalalalaaa
Y fue tan bonito verte cruzar
Lalalalalalalaaa
Al menos por un ratito por mi caminooo
Carito el corazón
me queda grande.
Cuando yo pienso en ti, yo siento pasos de gigante.
Carito esta canción,
es importante
porque cuando la canto yo juro que estás ahí delante
Porque cuando la canto yo juro...
yo juro
canto yo juro
que estás ahí delante
canto yo juro...
canto yo juro
yo juro
canto yo juro
que estás ahi delante
canto yo juro
Porque cuando la canto yo juro que estás ahí delanteee
current music: bacilos - pasos de gigante
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| Wednesday, July 27th, 2005
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00:14 - si señor
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| Thursday, May 26th, 2005
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08:58 - viajando como si mi alma tuviera alas
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currently in uruguay, a brief hop and a skip over from the good old buenos aires. i go back tonight at 1:15am from the bus terminal to colonia and then catching the 430am ferry to buenos aires, so thats a little sketchy. things are good, at first they were sad because it was my first time somewhere fun alone, but thats ok. i think because i am alone, a few things are limiting, like going out at night since i dont want to get mugged or anything, but really, i enjoy myself a lot during the day by doing whatever i want. no tours, just the free ones i want to go on, etc. i feel like i've exhausted buenos aires. this trip to uruguay was like, i guess a trial run of the month to come (mid-june) so that i can see if i can do this whole trip around argentina like i want to do. its fun so far, i am about to go out and explore montevideo. its funny because yesterday morning i was in buenos aires, in the afternoon i was in colonia del sacramento and by 2130 i was in montevideo. maybe some pictures will be coming soon. besitos pa' mi gente.
current mood:  crazy
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| Friday, May 13th, 2005
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23:02 - este delirio me va a matar
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i leave for argentina in three days. saturday, sunday, monday night i go. to be honest, i'm actually really scared. i've never traveled alone all alone before and while i'm wildly excited about my manner of travel (backpack), i have no idea how i'll make it through customs alone, or how i'll find this supposed javier who is going to pick me up at the airport. i need to leave the country with at least five hundred dollars in cash, so i am wondering whether or not it will be good to just cash my check instead of putting it in my bank account. i know that i am immediately out about 450, my placement fees and living in a hostal for a month. i owe my mom for my plane ticket, but i have the money in my bank account and the check is already written. the things that worry me are my nearly empty apartment (just me left and all my stuff) and how i have to pack by myself tomorrow, work out and get decent for pip's commissioning at four pm, even though i barely know him. i have yet to finish the buenos aires section in my rough guide to argentina, and i have to get anthony's french book from jo. (check, just imed jo to figure things out) i also have to buy coooler ranch doritos because apparently they don't sell those in argentina. i fear for my light method of packing that i have adopted (three pairs of pants...for 2 months), especially since i have to take that boy so much stuff. i am tempted to get a small cardboard box and use that as luggage. i know that i will end up buying clothes there, but seeing as how it is 3 pesos to a dollar, i'm not too worried. the thing that has me worried is myself. i don't know if i'll be able to keep up the running (is it dangerous?) or see everything that i want to see or remind myself enough times that i will only live once like this and i might as well spend the money on flights instead of overnight bus trips. regardless, i think i might need new sneakers. the boy went home today, but he'll be back tomorrow for pip's thing since they are friends and i'm just going because i wish i was friends with pip, but i met him too late to make that kind of a relationship with him. somehow, in my delirium a month ago, i convinced the boy to agree to stay and usher for graduation so that he would be here up until the last minute (like myself) so that i would see him on my last day in the states. and he did. and for once, my planning didn't backfire because we are still together, which is unbelieveable for some reason. i have no idea how to explain the last almost three months except to say that it seems like so much longer. our body rhythms are in sync, if that makes any sense. i make him food, he eats it. he nurses me back to health when i'm puking from food poisoning, and has been able to blend surprisingly well with my friends, even those from la casa. and he even calls it la casa, in a beautiful accent that i gather he got from me since i was his ta for the past year. he eats tortilla for breakfast when i make it -- not the wraps, but the actual eggs and onions and vegetable mix. in the morning i wake up and he's smiling at the mess i am, hair everywhere in my pjs with the sheets half off the bed. my hair is almost long enough to cut it, i almost have enough over ten inches that it won't look weird. but this boy, he's something else. his family is more excited about my birthday than my own is, and his older sister stopped by today with a present for me, a picture of us on easter (sepia-toned) in a matching frame, which was too sweet. i can't take it with me but i'll definitely take it to my house and leave it there. i tried to clean up more of my room today, i packed a lot of clothes, but i have to do more laundry tomorrow (sheets, clothes, etc). i need to take more stuff off the walls and empty out my desk and redistribute my books among the boxes so he doesnt break himself lifting all my crap into the landrum attic, even though he wouldn't at all. what's heavy for me is like a pebble for him. so two months, southern cone. here i come. i know i can do it alone. this kind of travel is what suits me best i think, and i haven't even done it yet.
current music: wayne wonder - bounce along
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| Friday, April 22nd, 2005
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11:34 - eres lo que quiero
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so i'm thinking. since i'm not going to peru, did god switch peru for him? like, its ok, i'm completely fine w/the whole idea of staying here next year now. but when i first found out i was so incredibly upset. and i was kind of both here and at home because friday/sat i was w/him and then sun/mon i was at home w/my parents. and my mom was all like, you accomplish so many things anyway, this isn't that big of a deal. and i was like, why do you always say that when i worked so hard for this that it wasn't even funny? and he said to me that he felt sad for me because i was sad, but that at the same time he couldn't help being a little bit happy about it since i would still be at school. i understand that, i do, and i'm glad that he was so honest about it. at first, i just thought it was really unfair, and then when i talked to lisa, i calmed down. she suggested egypt for senior year for arabic. and i was thinking, maybe. so maybe, that will work out. the only thing about that is that i would be unable to do an honors thesis in sociology. lilli's right about that... i really do want to do one about sendero and i shouldn't give up on it just because i'm not going to peru. so i might take the senior research class for hispanic studies next year in the fall, to get it out of the way so that i can write an honors thesis in one semester in the fall that i get back after my sr year abroad. sometimes i think i'm crazy. other times i just know i am.
i like that he gives me little kisses when he sees me as his form of saying hello.
current mood:  grateful
current music: the roots - don't say nothin'
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| Wednesday, April 6th, 2005
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08:27 - a tu casa yo fui
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so like, i'll be here next year. and while that's disappointing because i thought i would be abroad/home in peru (which i guess is my real home? but not) ... and i've been thinking that since october when i started researching the whole thing and working on my nsep application that i turned in in february. i guess what i don't understand is how working on something for so long and so hard and so passionately didn't get me what i wanted, but i'm sure i've got something else coming to me since i'm going to be here. i'm glad i applied for the ra position at the last minute because at least now i have that to fall back on and i still get to be a ta next year. and seeing everyone graduate of course. yesterday when i had my meeting with lisa, i was like, yeah i really don't want to even try applying for more things. and she's like, no you should, your application was the strongest out of the william&mary pool and that's saying a lot. and i was like, no really, its not worth it, my gpa isn't competitive enough, etc. and which its not, but she was like, what language have you always wanted to learn? and i'm like, arabic (that would get me into the nsa right quick as long as i was in shape like whoa). and she's like, how about egypt for a year. and that got me thinking. i mean, i'm in no rush to get to law/med school or anywhere for that matter. and the world out there is calling me by name and grabbing my hand. so i figure, why not? i could be in an arabic speaking country. like morroco, or somewhere else. and she was like, apply again. and i was like, i don't really want to. really. and she's like, you need to. and i'm like ok. so that helped me regain my sanity yesterday. and the boy called me to see if i wanted to go canoeing. which would have been soooo awesome since it was a gorgeous day, but the boathouse was closed, and i remembered before i decided to call him back and be like, yeah def. so instead i went to the libs and worked on life. i think i'm starting to get more focused. granted, it is april and school does end soon. but at least i'm getting there.
nose to the grindstone, head to the stars
current music: the roots - sacrifice
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| Friday, April 1st, 2005
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13:35 - esto no es lo mismo
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so every morning when i wake up its a blessing i guess. i don't know about peru yet, but i am definitely going to argentina, i just have to buy my ticket. and if i dont get to be in peru, i might be in argentina all summer... or at least until my money runs out. because i know if i try to come back early my mom might call me out on coming back for him. and that's the last thing i want to do. i'm a big girl and i make desicions on my own. so yeah. i'm going home sunday morning. and coming back late monday night. i guess it'll be ok. i just figure it won't matter to miss class/work like that. i can write this paper up before i leave or on the train, i have i all the research, so its cool. the visiting scholar is annoying (she makes a lot of noise). the boy and i are finally going canoeing today since its not raining for once. and then we get to babysit william at coffee hour while jbm talks about globalization. i finished looking over the bibliography for her book and now i'm coding, so i guess that's really productive for me. i'm kind of resigned to the fact that i'm not going, but i guess i won't really know until the 30th, but still. lisa pretty much said i would get asked for updated budget info today if i was even being considered. next year will be ok. i'll be fine. i can be an ra again, at least. it sucks that i didnt run for a position in hco, but its ok. i think i'll live.
current music: uff - ya lo ves
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| Friday, March 25th, 2005
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09:53 - desde mi sueño
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so i like how he came over last night while i was sitting duty and he comes up behind me while i'm sitting on the couch and he's like hey baby girl, i thought i'd come surprise you. and i'm like. um wow. most amazing kid ever? and he looked so cute and his hands were so cold from walking over, but i was impressed. and we went on rounds together and somebody dropped a 40oz. and i waslike, um maybe you guys could clean that up? i'm sure tim (huff) would have said something along the lines of, "give me your ids, stay right there, i'm writing this up". so when we walked around, it was clean. which was cool. i was pretty impressed that my ra powers did that. but yeah. my mom and i got in a fight about me going up to his house for easter while he was there and she was def flipping out on me. and i'm like, ok so i'm not goign to say anything because i dont want to aggravate her anymore and she's like you're not alone! that's why you can't talk to me! and i'm just like, i dont know what to say to you without making you angrier. and she's like, i'm not angry. and i'm like, ok sadder. and then i was like, i'm sorry i disappointed you. and she's like, no you surprise me. on easter when you're eating dinner you can think of me all alone. and i'm like, ok way to guilt trip your daughter. it was like way too much emotion for half an hour. but the best thing of all was the way he was after i hung up w/her. he was like, just there. and he pulled me into his lap while i was crying and he literally kissed all my tears. i'd read about that in books, but damn. and he waited for me to talk. and he's like i'm sorry i'm the cause of it all. and i was like, no its not about you. its about me. because it is. honestly, it has nothing to do with easter. she just doesn't want me going to his house. but i'm a big girl and i make desicions like skipping out on the roots to be able to go to the formal he's been planning all semester and then some for his frat. and i'm cool with that. because the timing is right.
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| Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005
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14:02 - no te esperaba
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so what i'm thinking is, yes if there was time, i could fall a lot for this man, but there isn't and i wont because yeah. between the roots and him, i would choose him. when i come back, we wont know what its like etc, and i know how much the formal thing means to him since he's planning the whole thing. and it would suck to not be able to be there w/his girlfriend, as much as he's told me that he doesn't care. i just know that i'll see the roots again, and if i don't, then it wasn't meant to be and i can just content myself w/the fact that i know i will have a good time at either place (both the concert and the formal) because that's how i do. but i would rather spend the time w/him since he can't come to the concert anyway. its too bad these things are on the same night, but even still, the campus-wide is then and if i can get out of that, i think i will choose the formal. its a big girl desicion, as he would say. last night, in my inebriated state, i somehow made him promise that we wouldn't talk about leaving more than once a day, even though i talk about it frequently, since i'll kind of have an idea by apr 1st, which is scary because its so close. the other thing: my mom wants to come down this weekend, and i was planning on going home w/him. and as much as it would be cool if my mom came, i feel like then i would be pressured (by being on campus) into doing all my work and volunteering at dia de la communidad and not spending time w/her. so i figure i might as well go home w/him. but i have to tell her that since this morning i told her it was fine. but she's against me going to his house for some reason. but i just feel like it can't really go wrong. last night he told me that he was worried about me (for may) because he says i'm the kind of person that shows my emotions, whereas he's feeling the same way, but he doesn't show it. or not about may anyway, because he's so good at showing that he cares that its not even funny. and he really doesn't care who is around either.
current music: the roots feat musiq - break you off
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| Monday, March 21st, 2005
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19:31 - la intensidad está en tus manos cuando se deslizan en mi espalda
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entonces, mira, porque lo que pasa es que estoy pensando que lo único que lo hace como es ... es el tiempo que no tenemos. y cada mirada, cada vez que nos vemos, es mucho más importante porque sabemos que todo terminara cuando yo me vaya en mayo. y eso, no sé si acelera la relación o si solamente estamos haciendo lo que hubieramos hecho sin las restricciones del tiempo. no es decir que ya hemos hecho todo, porque yo no estoy para eso ahora. es más como, cada cosa que nos decimos, o cuantas cosas aprendo sobre él cada día. y cosas como ir para su casa este fin de semana porque es easter, o cuando él vino a visitarme. me parece que todo es un poco más serio de lo normal. entonces me pregunto porque es así? si recién lo conozco... bueno también estaba en mi sección de drill el semestre pasado, pero recién comenzamos todo a fines de febrero, y ya este viernes será un mes. con casey ni siquiera sabía cuanto tiempo había pasado. con él es diferente, porque cada día que pasa es un día más que se acerca el fin de abril (cuando voy a saber si me voy al peru o no) y además de eso, mi cumpleaños (que este año es la graduación de los seniors) o el último día de estar en williamsburg. its funny because you dont usually start relationships like this -- knowing that they will end in a few months, whether you like it or not. when i wrote my personal statements for nsep, i think i wrote something about how i had no personal interests in the states, save my family. and now i really think that's changing. but i wouldn't stay here for him. because what i've learned this past year and some months is to make desicions for myself about what i want and also for my family about what they want and what we want to accomplish together, just a lot better for me in general. and giving in and staying in the country (if i get the money) would be like failing the person i've grown into these past months. i could feel his rhythm in my thoughts... regardless of anything, my relationship w/him is going to end badly. it could either end with us not standing each other, or us caring a ton about each other... which are both bad. i like so many things about him that its hard to think about it logically, i mean logic says dont date this man because you're leaving. and then me says, do it, you dont want to miss out on what could've been and you've done that before. and so, here i am in this mess w/a boy i know i could love if i let myself go.
current mood: grateful
current music: jill scott - love rain
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| Friday, March 18th, 2005
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11:29 - todo lo que necesito
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so recently i've found that i'm very at peace with myself, with school, with everything, really. and i feel that its kinda nice. i love going to work out even though i got shin splints from running (boo) so i had to start swimming again and even that is fun. i like getting packages (ok, so love). i love making breakfast for him in the mornings and asking him what he wants to eat even though i know he's going to say whatever you want darling. and i'm like, ok (cuz i'm melting w/you right now). i like that he can disrupt my day in so many good ways. and i like waking up slow and cancelling drill so that we can sleep-in. i think more people in drill saw us today, but i could care less now, i mean we stay distant in class -- what i do outside of classs is up to me. and him. he's coming w/me to the span house on sunday night to see el otro lado de la cama which i think is funny. and i still cant get over how much he loves chocolate cake. it makes me laugh. perdona si te amo... y si nos encontramos... i definitely like all his frat bros and the pledges (esp since i get my own sorta, craziness). and i like how he gave my name for the interview question about girlfriends. and how mike had to tell me that, not him. i like that he takes naps. i love that we're still chill about me leaving, except for him saying small things like, yeah next year i'll just be bitter. and me not knowing what to say to that at all. i like that he went w/me to lilli's grilled cheese thing and bought a lot of grilled cheese to support p-mex. and how he doesn't let go. this boy is a keeper i think. these past few weeks (granted, one was spring break) have flown by, but in a good way and i'm really enjoying everything as i was before he came along.
current music: sin bandera - que lloro
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| Monday, March 14th, 2005
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08:50 - después de la oscuridad
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so this morning we woke up a little late. like, at 737 and the bus comes at 743... but i made it. and he decided to not go to class. not gonna lie though, it was a really good sleep. he just makes it really possible to sleep really well. and he helped me study for my exam on wed, which was sweet. its so hard though. because i dont want to hurt him by leaving and i dont want to get hurt by leaving either. so i dont want to fall anywhere near him. but i can feel myself falling slowly. i like the way we kid because we love. he came up to nova and that was fantastic, even though we were a little lost for a while. yesterday fernando and i stole nicks car and scared the crap out of him, which was hilarious and really not like us (well, def like fernando, not me) at all. today we're supposed to be selling it. i get to be the bitchy wife that doesn't like the car... jajaja right. me habla a veces y me quedo muda porque no sé que decirle. es como si el fuera las cosas que mi alma quería y ahora que ya lo tengo es tan dificil porque sé que no me puedo quedar con él. y cada vez que estoy con él todo es tan rápido. él dice que es porque comenzamos todo tan tarde. debe ser mi mala suerte. pero la verdad es que es la buena suerte que nos hizo como somos ahora. y eso me gusta, que somos algo diferente, algo de impulso que funcionó aunque no estaba segura. me encanta que me besa en la frente. todavía no me canso de eso, porque cada beso es diferente con él. y hablamos de lo más raro pero para conocernos mejor. porque la verdad es que casi no lo conzco. y él tampoco a mi. me fascina su manera de ser tan tierno aunque es tan grande. y cuando su mano roza mi cara, no sé, siento que tiembla. quiero cuidar su alma.
current mood:  peaceful
current music: chayanne - cuidarte el alma
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| Saturday, March 12th, 2005
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22:27 - mi alma caminando
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so today was really fun. we hit up dc and just chilled out, checked out the baby cheetahs, etc. we walked around adams morgan for fun (yay!) and ate yummy peruvian food together, crossed some awesome bridges, had ice cream with peanut butter on top (maggie moos). its odd to be starting this now, when i'm leaving so soon (i think/hope) but we're both chill about it. not the type of people to miss opportunities when we've got them. so yeah. definitely dragged him up and down latino culture today and last night since i was so sick i had to keep running to the bathroom (basically he talked to my parents for a couple hours). and we watched resurrection. i think its kinda funny he came up on friday even though we're going to be at school tomorrow. but i was just like, i'm assuming you missed me since you're here. and he's like, yeah doll thats a good assumption...otherwise i would've called you and told you i wasn't coming. so it was a little surreal that he was here, not gonna lie. we didnt cheat on escalators, we got sketched out by the kiwis and ourselves and we had a picnic in the zoo next to the ice cream bar machine. i asked him what he wanted to do and he said the zoo, so thats really how we ended up there. and then he's like ok you call the shots now, and i'm like what? cuz it really wasn't my idea. and he's like but i know you like this kind of stuff. and i'm like, aight, you got me. so we saw some naked mole rats too (kim possible). worked on a little spanish, took some pictures. but now i gotta pack so i can get back to school tomorrow (boo) early in the am, workout, do some studying, go to church, more studying, chill out w/some chocolate chip pancakes and him.
current music: jack johnson - better together
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| Wednesday, March 9th, 2005
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18:26 - miercoles...
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ok so i haven't written recently, haven't seen him recently, maybe its connected? but i'm really excited (like uncontainable) about friday :). and today i swam for an hour. and i could've kept going but i had a date with my mom. i just ate the last of the natural peanut butter so now i cant eat anymore bananas, but its ok, i can go buy some more tomorrow maybe? and i'm excited about sunday because i think we're going to make pancakes (chocolate chip) and eat them in our fort. (which we are making with my extra bed supplies... like the mattress and the frame, etc).
madvivacious: oh and i smell like chlorine
SLOPPYJOE13: sexy
madvivacious: yeah you know you want this
SLOPPYJOE13: its been so long
madvivacious: since you've smelled me?
SLOPPYJOE13: seen you retard
SLOPPYJOE13: but i guess that would involve smelling, if you're into that sorta thing
um but we're gonna hang out w/jacobito on friday i think, which should be fantasmical, and then maybe watch a movie? and saturday we're going into dc for shits and giggles. my mom is like, stay friends, you're leaving soon. and i'm like, we talked about it... basically me saying i felt bad for starting anything since i think i'm leaving and him being like, well you gotta do what you gotta do. and me feeling calm cuz there's no stress there, but i dont know if that will change or not.
current music: lauryn hill - tell him
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| Sunday, March 6th, 2005
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15:04 - despertando en el frio de tu ausencia
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so, not gonna lie. i definitely didn't think i would miss him this much. or be talking about him to my mom as much as i am. i feel like that's a sign. i'm not working as much as i would've liked to this week only because my mom was like, i want to see you. and then she's like, i have two hours for you on monday. and i flipped. i was like, that's such crap, i give up full days of work and you can only "see me" in between 7 and 9 and only because ceze is at boyscouts. so yeah, i think she gets the way i feel. i need to go run somewhere on something, but i think today i might just swim. my suit, i accidentally left it at the pool yesterday and i only remembered today, so maybe it got picked up for the lost and found? i dont know. i know i need a toothbrush, shampoo, etc, so i'm gonna go buy all that on my mom's credit card. its her fault i'm not working anyway. i just wish i wasn't missing so much right now. we went to rio grande for ceze's b-day lunch and we were like, ugh can't mooooooove. but it was so tasty :) como olvidarte si no quiero... so kim got her money for spain, which makes me soooo excited for her. like its ridiculous. the girl is a pimp. she applied for two grants and she got both of them :). and i had to call chris (her bf) and tell him because i checked the website and he had no clue what was going on. but yeah. so thats cool. my dad is still cool. and now maybe i should get my stuff together and head over to target. word. besitos pa' mi gente.
current music: aleks syntek - duele el amor
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| Friday, March 4th, 2005
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08:51 - es que vale más
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no sé lo que es pero algo me está enredando super rápido con este chico. me encanta como me sonrié en la media oscuridad. pero más me gusta que su preocupación es que yo duerma. y en la mañana como besa mi frente. he came over and cooked dinner last night since i was sitting duty and hung out with me all of duty and he even went on rounds with me. the best was the way he asked me if i liked white rice or brown rice when i got out of the shower (since i was late to duty because i thought i should be clean after working out). me dijo que me había prestado más atención en los últimos seis días que a su última novia (cinco meses) y que se había acordado de más cosas que yo le había dicho. son las cosas así y los besos en la frente que me hacen que sienta que han sido más de seis días (hoy siete) porque no sé como. lo peor es que es mi estudiante...pero nadie en la clase sabe lo que hay entre nosotros. lo cual me parece muy profesional y secreto y definitivamente sketchy. pero me gustan las cosas así. ¿qué más hay? me dijo, en las últimas semanas no he tomado casí nada. y la última semana contigo nada. y me dijo que estaba más relajado que nunca aunque tuvo tres examenes esta semana y un ensayo enorme. como se debe responder cuando alguien dice algo asi? pero no importa. en la mañana hice un desayuno riquisimo. espero que lo comió. me gusta estar con él. vamos a la biblioteca juntos a veces... cocinamos, dormimos, etc. me parece un poco apresurado. pero no quiero perder nada, especialmente porque no sé si me voy al peru o no. y eso se lo dije anoche, que me sentía horrible por comenzar algo con él cuando no sabía si me tenía que ir o no. he said, you gotta do what you gotta do. and i was like, i know. the way it adds up i could either be in mexico and/or argentina, hopefully peru (a year) and then cuzco (peru) again until next august. i could be in mexico. this summer. and argentina. i could be gone for like 16 months. oh and he asked me to his date party. and said that i had to think of the costumes. because i'm more creative?
on a side note... you know you have skills when:
sloppyjoe13: whatever that breakfast was, just wanted to say it was delicious
current music: jd natasha - lágrimas
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| Wednesday, March 2nd, 2005
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09:39 - dile que te conocí bailando
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um wow. i forgot how sketchy i was. but its kinda nice to be this way. he definitely walked me home this morning to the spanish house. he was having a crappy day yesterday when he came back to the library from doing the "i have to plan my frat's formal" dropping off of contract, so i made him this funny card with little baby smiley faces all over it and a few sad faced ones. and on the inside i wrote, most of the time there's a lot more good stuff than bad stuff (and since he had been walking por lima callao y balniares) i wrote as well, at least you got to enjoy the weather. and then imade him come home with me so he could eat since i found out all he'd eaten (it was like, um 530) all day was a cereal bar. and then i made him go back to the library. we're like doubly bad and good influences on each other, which i kinda like.
current music: obie bermudez
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| Tuesday, March 1st, 2005
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14:16 - eres un secreto
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so, last night i was just kidding around when i told him that he should come over. because i really didnt expect him to do it, but then while i was in the shower, p knocked and whispered, um pam there's a guy here. and i was like, oh fantastic. but they were both psych majors so they chatted it up while i finished my shower and put on my pjs. this man is insanity. for not knowing each other as friends first, we get along pretty well and there's lots to learn. which is an issue my friends, when a guy comes over and you have an exam the next day and you dont fall asleep till after 230am. only because around like, 145 i was like, yeah i have an exam tomorrow too. and he flipped a shit, being all like, i wouldn't have come if i knew you had an exam, why didnt you tell me, etc, etc. and so he made me summarize all that i had studied for him right before we fell asleep, which i thought was so william & mary. but tres cute. right before we fell asleep we were like, hell no we wont make it to the rec at 6am, but i had to leave the alarm like that so that i could call kim and tell her to wake up. oh spanish house, how i love thee. and then we went back to sleep for appx another hour or twoish. he's so cute when he leaves cuz he's like, see you soon enough (because i have to go teach his drill at 830 and he has to be there at 830) and yeah. i so learned a lot about him. he's got a sister in sixth grade, the other one is turning 21 on friday. and a brother. so its four of them out in spotsylvania county. but then i was like, you're the worst distraction ever but also the best distraction of all. and he laughed at me. drill was fun cuz it was basically like on the d/l. like for the exit thing i had them all say a sentence in the present perfect. and he was like, no he dormido. and he looked at me real hard. i think we did pretty well in not letting anyone know what's up, esp since i am the ta. i think on thursday we're going to have drill at the uc couches, which should be kinda fun if you ask me, then everyone can eat breakfast and drill... which is always a plus. apparently its closer to everyone's next class too, which works wonders for all of us. i lost the lesson plans, per usual. i'm kind of excited. because its not like we're hooking up w/o a purpose. i dont know really. but i told ebet it was basically her spaghetti that she left at my apt on friday that sealed the deal because i was able to invite him over for dinner. she laughed at me. i have to go to the rec today and i have a million and one meetings to go to about crazy things, which makes me laugh. i want to call it secret tuesday, because of him and everything else, but i wont. its only in my imagination. oh i asked him, so at the beginning of the fall semester when i first taught drill, did you think it would be like this? and he was like, well, to be honest, i thought about this a few times. and i saw the other ta's and i realized how lucky i had gotten. which made me laugh for serious. because then i was like, you are living out one of your fantasies! and he was like, yeah i guess so. and then he got serious and i was like, i saw a special on teachers hooking up with students on sunday night after we talked. and i laughed and told him about the ppl mag at the rec that had an article on that same thing.
bueno, todos se van para buenos aires mañana sin mi, pero no preocupa mucho porque me quiero ir este verano antes de que se vaya anthony. i think he's a little jealous of ant, because i was talking about him a lot last night. in other news, taytay and jasmine now call me pamita (like pamelita, only with pam instead of pamela... i know crazy, cuz we freebase).
current mood: awake
current music: talib kweli - broken glass
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| Sunday, February 27th, 2005
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18:36 - una sorpresita mamacita
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so it must be a bad thing (if you're a ta) to hook up with one of the students in your drill section, i think. not gonna lie though, he's kinda sweet. i also think its hilarious it was one of the nights i slept at the spanish house... i must be like the sketchiest girl ever. i dont like how, when i went to get my coat from his room (legit style, after the party), some of his brothers were like, hey pam or paaaaaaaamellllaaaaaa. and matt asking me if i was ok? ok?? matt asking me that is like, ok whoa now, who drinks consistently, who is constantly trashed on the weekends. but yeah, my intention was honestly to get my coat. and then i was like hanging out for like 15 mins w/the random people in there and i was like, ok well i'm gonna walk back now. and he was like, i'll go walk with you. and i'm like ok, cuz i dont like walking alone anyway. and then he kinda just stayed. but in the morning when he peaced out he kissed my forehead before i rolled over. i was like, aww.
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| Thursday, February 24th, 2005
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09:35 - a fines de febrero
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so i'm sitting in the lab thinking i should start working on my stats lab since i'm going to newport news tomorrow after class... then going to newport news possibly, then back here to do a jack kent cooke scholar thing and then coffee hour and then after that back to my apt to cook for the potluck i'm hosting. i feel like... i dont konw. i wanted it to snow and i woke up this morning (before my alarm) and heard the rain instead. my body just rolled over. i think its just feeling a little too much like something i dont want to feel like at all. we watched the cap u cap, pas movie again. at the spanish house i definitely lose track of time. the more i try to force myself to like the man the more i find myself just finding things i dont like about him that i think i just make up to keep myself away since i dont want to deal with those things anymore. to be completely honest, i feel like it wouldn't matter anyway. this weekend. bring'em out. i dont know what we're doing (and by we i mean nick, adriana, taytay, kim, chris, me -- since thats the crew sans maria and anthony) but it better involve fun. last night i had dinner with duncan, which was really nice. we just talked like we hadn't spent a gazillion months apart, which was fun in a way. then i went to e2m and that was funny. we made play-doh naan and a condom. we were definitely the slacker group. yesterday i had lunch with ebet. my monroe lunch today was canceled, so that sucks cuz i was definitely looking forward to eating something that didnt involve broccoli. but now i have alittle bit of time to go to the rec. which should be heavenly. i meant to go this morning, but judging by the fact that i didn't go to bed until after 2am, i'm sure i would've been a disaster at the rec. i dont know if i want to go to the film festival tonight since i was going to ask the man, but ebet is coming with me, so i guess i kinda have to go, even though i just want to sleep a lot. and work on my stats lab that i hae no idea how to do. i let drill out early today. i'm just feeling really unfulfilled, which is weird because i'm basically living at the house instead of my apt. i dont know. its too much for me to think about, esp with the fernando thing. ok he's nice (raise hands) but still. i'm just wondeirng. i'm glad i asked duncan to tuesdays at 1010. and since he's only a sophomore, he can commit. i mean even though i'm a sophomore, i dont know if i'll be here, etc, so its kinda hard to make any kid of desicions. i like how last night stephen was like, i dont have sex, i make love. me and jasmine laughed really hard with him. he showed me how to two-step, and the basic capoiera move! i'm really excited about that one. i can't wait to run today at the rec. te miro fijo y tiemblo - alucinado, tiziano ferro getting on the treadmill is like one of the most powerful things i do. how sad is that? ebet said should be proud of my body because i take such good care of it. both working out and eating wise. and while i recognize that its skinny (which i thought was the goal), i'm not really proud of it or anything. i feel like, ok? here i am, less flesh, more shaped and it still feels like nothing except for now i have to go shopping to buy clothes that fit. me siento débil cuando estoy sin ti, me hago fuerte cuando estás aqui - nada valgo sin tu amor, juanes i'm wishing i could go home and stay there for a while, just figuring things out. at the same time, i love being at the house because it could very well be my last semester with taytay, nick, adriana and kim. how horrible is that? i could really care less about the other people at the house (except jasmine) because i just met them met them this semester. and like while they are all fantastical, the kids and i go way back. i need to go back to ludwell and just chill out. my teddy bear and my pillow are at the house. i thought it would snow today, but it didn't and i'm still not getting over that. i think i'm going to have to go to morton soon to work on the lab (aka ask saporito what to do since i have no idea). i want to eat lunch at 12 during class so i can go to the rec afterwards and then go study or something (aka work on the lab) pero somos vulnerables - duele el amor, aleks syntek basically, i just can't get over and out of this, i cant ask people things, i fear my own voice -- if you know me that might strike you as strange, but i think its true. me gustaría ser tu prisionera - clávame tu amor, noelia i wish i understood myself more. that would be great. i want to go find myself maybe? i thought i was happy before, but maybe today is just a bad day? i should tell myself that. if i do it enough maybe i'll believe it.
current music: gloria estefan - hoy
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| Monday, February 21st, 2005
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16:49 - la pureza de la lluvia
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ukorofi: por si acaso no regreso te digo ahora que te amo y te echaré de menos. en mi corazón quedarás hasta que muera del dolor de tu ausiencia.
i like how anthony likes to pretend he's going to die in argentina. on a side note. i might be going to argentina. word. if i can get my act together and apply for a summer service grant :)
i love college money.
current music: juanes - mala gente
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| Thursday, February 17th, 2005
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23:08
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only because i can post this i will:
griego84: please. don't be ridiculous.
griego84: as a heterosexual male. let me say that you are gorgeous. no joke.
but i could never really date him
because he's madly anal retentive
but i wrote a poem today
a really baby one
eres como las olas del mar
a veces estás aquí
y a veces no
and i saw the man when i was leaving the house and exchange words (like... hey). i keep dressing to impress no one but myself which is kinda like keisha's thing for lent: giving up men. but i feel like i've failed miserably since friday. :) but i'm ok with that. i'm so impressed that pants that i haven't worn in at least a year fit kinda loose. i'm so skinny dont even know what to wear when i go out. i want to be like look, i'm kinda pamtastic. but i dont want to be a slut. i'm like yeah i can wear that and nick says to me, are you sure? because sometimes, i swear he acts like my father.
current mood:  determined
current music: alicia keys - wake up
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| Wednesday, February 16th, 2005
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22:12 - algo que sirve como inspiración
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so something about this semester makes me want to write every three seconds. my backpack (the new and improved equinox 33) is filled with printer paper from the library that i've scribbled alll over just trying to get things right. on v-day, on one of the columns at washington, someone had written, te amo sin saber como. i almost died when i read it on tuesday... i know. i'm always slow, always late. but it was really nice. i mean who quotes neruda now a days? only in "diarios de motocicleta" and not even really. i want so many things and i have to wait so long till the end of april. my life is geared towards then. i'm eating too many cookies. i didn't go to the rec today and instead i passed out in the library for an hour in my favorite sleeping spot. i feel like having a favorite sleeping spot is a little much. mike (one of my drill students) said he couldn't get juanes' mala gente out of his head. i played it for them last week and he came in on tuesday and he's like dammit pam. and i laughed. ok i must sleep now so i can learn about lipids in the morning. boo.
current mood:  sad
current music: amerie - one thing
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| Sunday, February 13th, 2005
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23:37 - me encontraste sin que te buscara
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so i think i might be at the beginning of something. and its not the guy i hooked up with for the past two weekends i've been on campus. its kinda funny that its someone else. i met him (for serious) on friday, even though he swears up and down (my body - not) that we were in intro to ir together first semester freshman year. he says he must've not been that impressionable since i don't remember him. but its funny because he remembers me. and he calls me out on being racist as a joke, but i kinda take it seriously -- but he's probably got no idea why. and josiah called my timbs fresh, which nick said wasn't a compliment. because he said it meant he had looked me up and down... and the only thing he found worthy were my pimp shoes. to put it in his words, he said, that means he bypassed this area (and his hands stopped around my ass). so yeah, about josiah. that's like a negatory. even though he finds me at every party. but fernando. he's something else. the way he talks and how he says you're welcome all the time because you're always thanking him for something he did that was nice. or how he walked me home last night (real nice since i live kinda off campus) when nick left with girl. and how he said he knew how to cook and make desserts and maybe he could come back and make something. and how he walked into my apartment like he owned it, straight turning on lights and walking into every room and the bathroom and opening my fridge and telling me i didn't have any alcohol and me being like, i'm the ra. and him saying, i can't believe you have this apartment practically all to yourself and you dont have any parties. i'm like, hello families live above me. and he's like ok a get together. and i'm like, would you come? and he says yeah, like its the most smooth thing ever. i like how i just met him on friday. i think its just the meeting someone right quick thing that's going on. friday night i went to elena's with jon and hung out there for a minute, getting a lil drunk for a lil person like me, cooking for jon at my apartment (quesadillas and egg sandwiches) and going to campus for "speed dating" that we never really made it too. going by the spanish house and managing to pick up extra "dates"... including fernando. and then going to the uc and realizing i would be speed dating all four of the guys i was with, so i told them we were leaving. me in my drunkeness making descions... keisha would've been proud. i went to support lilli's p-mex fundraiser and nick and i danced like we were the show. and we kinda were because people stepped back to watch us salsa like the beasts that we are and nick did the move we perfected last weekend that i love that was hot. oh and fernando last night when we were in taylor's room after the party -- i showed him my demise. the move that ben and i did where i flipped upside down. and he did it perfectly. and he told me peru in portuguese means dick. but then i danced with fernando (at p-mex) and he passed the test. he's such a gentleman too, opening doors, walking closest to the street. that's the best. and walking me home in the middle of the night. the kid i was making out with shoulda done that, you know? at the very least. but he asked me where i lived and i told him and he's like, dayumn girl that's far. and then he was like, i'll see you next weekend. and i sweetly informed him that i would be in richmond. hahaha. he is so over. and i can't even talk to him because i feel like i would just stare and watch him breathe. even though i can usually talk about anything. but we shall see. tomorrow is gonna be the greatest v-day ever... two dates with two spectacular people that i love tons, lilli and nick -- which should be a lot of fun, especially since me and lilli are bringing breakfast to the lab (illegal) and nick and i are going to chili's (ahhh steak & portobello fajitas). i'm really liking living.
our time and our clothes gotta co-ordinate
current mood:  loved
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